I'm Doing This For Myself

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Sometimes low times in your life is good, man. It feels so good. It occupies what you need and hit your head with sudden realization.

I always think that if I do this or that, then *this* people will finally look at me. When will I ever do things to myself? When will I ever say "yes self you fcking deserve this." I had enough of ignorance from people around me, where they take me for granted, they poof me visible only when they wanted to, and let me drown in my own cage for the rest of the time.

Today I realized how much other people's life, whom I've been putting them, stuck in my head are much much better with their own lives, they're happy. I should've stepped away from their ring of happiness in case my existence ruins it.

Because it does.

I want to talk to someone. Send help.
Zero.
Flop.

It must've been nice to have people surrounding you all the time, having their hands reach out to you whenever you cry for help, to have their ears lend for you to talk to and share your stories to. It must've feel so nice to actually living as a person.

Because clearly I'm not.


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