chrysalis

Regret is a feeling that I wish to not to experience. I'm okay with being sad or lonely or mad, but not regret. As I take a step back and pull myself away from the crowd, I've seen things that I've never seen before. I've seen things that I've been missing out. I see the timeline of my life. My lifeline. Where did I miss. Who did I hurt. What did I do. All of them. I've been too busy chasing down people who won't even bother to turn their backs to see how I'm doing when in fact it was me, too, doing the exact same thing to others. I was too busy being selfish, thinking about the steps I'm about to take is going to benefit me, when someone is bleeding. It takes a lot of courage, and war flashbacks to write this. Soal hati ni payah eh. Sebab takde jawapan yang betul. Tak ada sesiapa pun yang faham apa yang dah jadi, termasuk aku- walaupun aku yang tentukan jalan mana yang aku sendiri pilih. Aku ingatkan, dengan kejujuran, aku akan dapat segala...

JULY 4TH are the people toxic- or is it just me? This holiday I started to stay away from social media (except twitter), and pretty much I can say I lead a better, happier life. Maybe because I'm out of anyone's expectation. Or maybe because I'm no longer expecting anything from anyone. Twitter is an exception by the way because literally no one knows me there, and I'm comfortable enough to mumble all by myself without feeling that I will be judged. I ask myself again- is it me, or everyone is toxic? I no longer waiting for people to watch my stories posted on instagram or whatsapp, where I'd keep checking every minute. I no longer waiting for anyone to talk to me first. I no longer break my own heart for petty reasons. I no longer be toxic to myself. I felt free, and happy, and contented. It's not that I don't appreciate the people that have been around me for quite a while, but sometimes life needs a break. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends...