chrysalis

I hope you're okay in whatever way it takes. You are my friend, and no matter how distant and uncommunicative and unrelated we are, I still care for you.

I can tell that I'm going down slump right now but I can also assure that I'll rise and be great again. This moment, right this time, I learn that love and happiness revolve around further radius of the world, more than just a person. It's not just seeing the only world in that one person, even their eyes sparkles prettier than the stars and nothing else matter, but the truth is much, much more than that. I learn that to love is to be you. We've spent too much time fixing ourselves to fit people's frame-set of thoughts but never ours. I thought that being aesthetically pretty and socially acceptable are fine enough to gain love, just for it later to be burned down by petty hopes and white lies. And I forgot the fact that I'm also lying to myself, be fake to myself; making myself asking me "who are you exactly?" I realize that we're too busy chasing never-ending dreams we aren't even able to reach when realities are presented vastly right in...

Fck. I'm sorry. But not really. I came across this one thread on Twitter and it reminds me so much of myself. Here I am, again, crumbling down to my lowest. If it's to say, letting him go was one of the toughest decision I've ever made in my life. I still think about it up to this day, and regretted it. I have half regret half trying-to-feel-okay-but-not-really feel. I don't know. My thoughts are full of "what if?"s What if we stayed? What if I don't get mad? What if things can be solved? What if I don't fall for the other guy? What if I don't change my mind? Fck. I let go both so both can be happy. Idk what he's up to these days but I hope he's fine. And happy, and never remember me. I want to see him properly for one more time just to put my heart at ease, or to at least erase this piled-up regret. My heart shattered yknow. Feelings can't lie, but thoughts can. I said I'm okay when I'm not. But as long as he is happy t...